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Self Compassion

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Straight from the expert source, Dr Kristen Neff:  Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself, as you would when you are being kind to yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?⁠

In contrast to self-esteem, self-compassion is not based on self-evaluations.⁠

Research has showing investigated the relationship between self-compassion, health behaviors, and reactions to illness. In 4 studies in 2013, self-compassion was related to health-related cognitions and affect for healthy and unhealthy participants, and it predicted participants’ reactions to actual illnesses beyond the influence of illness severity and other predictors of health behaviors. Self-compassionate people also indicated they would seek medical attention sooner when experiencing symptoms than people lower in self-compassion. Self-compassion was also related to health-promoting behaviors even after accounting for self-regulatory capabilities and illness cognitions.⁠

Can we use EFT Tapping to increase our own self-compassion levels? ⁠

Absolutely!! Rod Sherwin explored this in a podcast and recorded it. I would highly recommend listening along and tapping at the same time!

Have You Noticed Your Memory Failing?

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💡 An Easy Way to Improve your Memory ⁠

I thought I would share a trick I have been using EFT for – remembering! Not just the ‘tap on my memory issues’ idea – but for everyday things like walking into a room, and asking yourself “why did I walk in here again?” Who hasn’t done that at some point?⁠⁠

So now I just tap. I stand there in the room, and start tapping (eyebrow, side of eye….) – and say something like “why am I here”, or “what was I going to do here?”⁠

In a snap, it comes to me – none of this, I better walk out of the room and walk back in to jog my memory – this is much QUICKER. I never normally get through all 8 points before I remember why I was there.⁠

Try it :-)⁠

For longer term memory solutions, EFT is also a wondrous tool. I would highly recommend Dr Patricia Carrington’s program on this very topic.⁠ You can have a look at it here. 

Can EFT Tapping help with a Mastermind Group?

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If you have ever read Napoleon Hill’s work where he discussed imagining a Mastermind group in his own mind to sort out difficult issues, then you will love this. If not, then this will be great to read anyway!⁠

In his timeless classic, “Think And Grow Rich” Hill wrote about the #Mastermind principle as:⁠

“The coordination of knowledge and effort of two or more people, who work toward a definite purpose, in the spirit of harmony.”⁠

He continues…⁠

“No two minds ever come together without thereby creating a third, invisible intangible force, which may be likened to a third mind.”⁠

So – how could you use EFT tapping for something like a Mastermind group? Maybe it could be as simple as using tapping to find people who are similar minded (e.g. Even though I want to start a Mastermind group but I don’t know where to start, I accept myself anyway), or tap as a group once you have one (e.g. Tapping for common goals or individual ones).⁠

Either way, having a like minded group together sharing a common interest like EFT could be life changing, and very energising! As Pam Grout says – Who needs a guru when you have a power posse? ⁠

Tapping for Food Cravings, Stress and Insomnia – Podcast Episode

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Fantastic chatting with Audra on her podcast The Healthy Shiftworker with @thewellnesscouch!

From Audra’s post on Instagram

Today we’re chatting with @petastapleton who is a registered Clinical & Health Psychologist and an Associate Professor in Psychology at Bond University here in Australia. She is a world-leading researcher in EFT – which is short for Emotional Freedom Technique (otherwise known as tapping) and led a world-first randomized clinical trial investigating the effectiveness of EFT on food cravings in overweight and obese adults.

In this entertaining podcast (Peta has a great sense of humour!) we talk all things:

– What exactly is the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or tapping, and how does it work?
– How EFT helps to reduce stress hormone levels and support our nervous system on a biochemical level
– The incredible statistics showing how fast it works to help those suffering from conditions such as anxiety and PTSD
– Results from her clinical trial showing how it helps to reduce food cravings – and yes, this does include a chocolate muffin!

-How it can be used to improve anxiety-related sleep issues such as sleep onset and reduce intermittent awakenings.

Listen to the podcast here everyone.

Follow Audra on Instagram:
@TheHealthyShiftWorker

How is EFT Tapping different from Counseling?

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This is a commonly asked question!

How Is EFT Different from Counseling or “Talk” Therapy?⁠

There is a physical (somatic) aspect to EFT along with the cognitive (thinking) part. Most traditional approaches to changing behavior or dealing with emotional issues, such as counseling or therapy, involve a “talk” component and rely heavily on changing people’s thoughts. This is fine for some people, but others get frustrated that their thoughts just don’t change. It may even be hard to recognize the thoughts that need changing.⁠

Does this sound familiar? ⁠

Because EFT just starts with what is bothering you and doesn’t try and change it up front, you get to truly acknowledge what is wrong. Some traditional therapies analyze your thoughts and attempt to “correct” them, but this takes a lot of willpower and effort. It doesn’t come easily to most (I know this after working with clients for more than 20 years) and it takes a long time for a change to become habitual and permanent.⁠

What if you could just acknowledge what is not feeling good, not feeling right in your life, a distressing thought or body sensation, and use the technique until it subsides? Nothing more than that—just focusing on it, using the tapping techniques, and feeling better/neutral/calm at the end.⁠

Now that might be a great idea! To learn more, feel free to explore our Ultimate Tapping Guide here.

Tapping for Goals!

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Quick Tips for EFT Tapping on Achieving Your Goals!!⁠

Always remember to be specific to your own physical sensation, words to describe your situation or feelings/ thoughts. Tapping works best when you are VERY SPECIFIC.⁠

Tapping works well for goal success and for ensuring your dreams can come true. It addresses the ‘tail enders’ or doubts inside us that prevent a goal succeeding. It is all about tapping on 2 things:⁠

1. Your BELIEF that a goal can and will come true.⁠
2. The doubt inside your head/body that it can’t/won’t.⁠

Write a goal you would like to come true – read your own goal out loud now and listen for any doubts inside your mind/body. We call these doubts “Tail Enders”. They might be like this:⁠

• It is now the 3rd May 2019, and I am standing on the beach in Hawaii enjoying a perfect vacation (BUT I DON’T HAVE THE MONEY FOR THIS or AS IF – YOU WILL NEVER GO OVERSEAS)⁠

Let’s tap now with the tail ender (not the goal itself) – the idea is to deal with the tail ender so it doesn’t get in the way of the goal coming true. Tap on each negative feeling or statement until they no longer feel true (e.g. you rate them as a 0 or 1). Once you have reduced the negative belief or feeling to a 0 or 1 say your goal out loud again. Re-rate your doubt in that goal or positive affirmation. It should be going down in number as your belief in it increases because you are ridding yourself of the negatives.⁠

You can also tap on the level of doubt only – e.g. your doubt is 8/10 so just tap with your doubt and see what shifts. Use tapping to explore WHY you this goal won’t come true with your tail enders. Do the tail enders represent someone else’s voice from your childhood (e.g. a parent told you, you couldn’t do certain things). ⁠

Always seek the support of a professional and skilled EFT practitioner if you need support with this.⁠

Unlocking the Power of the Law/Principle of Attraction with Vision Boards

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“Our attitudes and beliefs create a magnet to attract events, circumstances and opportunities to live out those attitudes and beliefs.”

This is what the Law of Attraction (LOA) states  – it provides the opportunity to shape our lives through the act of focusing on and then attracting our deepest, greatest desires. To put this law into action, people use a very influential tool – a vision board. Contrary to belief, creating a vision board is not just putting together pieces of magazine cutouts, gluing them into a collage on a board and hoping they will magically come true.

A vision board helps you narrow down your desires through the power of choice. The time and energy you will invest into making one will help you visualize your future and eventually constantly remind you of your life goals. Will Smith, Jim Carrey, Oprah and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all discussed their use and love of vision boards.

Before you set onto making one, let’s look at how vision boards empower you with the LOA:

1. It puts The Power Of Choice Into Focus. You choose what goes on the board, so it means that you will have to narrow down all of your goals – choose what is most important (now and in the future). It will then let you focus on what you truly want. Remember to choose images/representations of what you DO want in your future, not what you DON’T want.

2. It  is Your Daily Dose of a Visual Reminder. An unspoken rule of a vision board is that you need to place it where you will easily see it every day, every time. Visualization has grown to become one of the most effective mental workouts out there.

3. It fuels Your Emotions. Just the mere sight of your vision board, you should immediately reconnect with your passion for your dreams (if not, the pictures/images may not be powerful enough!).

4. It combines The Mission Of Achieving Goals With Fun.  Aside from being a concrete foundation to help you reach your dreams, creating a vision board should surely be fun from start to end. It could also be an entertaining way of relieving yourself from stress. You don’t even have to put much effort into organizing it – just have fun as you put them all together!

You are the one in-charge with your vision board. You decide what goes in it, you decide which materials to use for it, and you decide how you will make it. It could be digital or physical, anything is possible. This is the joy of planning and searching.

Bring in The Principle of Attraction

Now, not everyone believes in or thinks the LOA is real, nor easy! And I wanted to share a principle that is an evidence-based phenomenon with a foundation in positive psychology, goal-achieving research, and mind-brain sciences. This is called the Principle of Attraction.

The Principle of Attraction (POA) states that “Like Tends to Attract Like.” The Principle of Attraction is not magic and is not a universal law – it is based on you having an active role in the process. How you THINK, FEEL and BEHAVE tend to bring you more of the same.  Research says we are more likely to be attracted to someone who is physically similar to ourselves, and we trust them more! The scientific evidence points to opposites barely ever attracting – which means you can change who/what you are attracting in your life by changing how you think and feel.

Both the LOA and POA rely on you taking action – not being passive. For a new thought (your goal) to become a reality, you have to teach your body at an emotionally level how that would feel NOW. This is why the images on the vision board should elevate you to a heightened level of positive emotion – it is ideal to focus on how that would feel NOW when you look at your images Remember like attracts like – positivity usually attracts positivity and negativity usually attracts negativity. And positive people tend to have greater success, better jobs, better relationships, improved health and more.

So if the vision board image you select is not quite a perfect match for how you feel, think or act currently, then this is the place to start. You can start by imagining who you would be if that goal DID come true, and be active in being that person NOW.  The POA allows you to plan, prepare, take responsibility and adopt an optimistic/realistic perspective.

So whichever law or principle you subscribe to, enjoy the journey of creating both on the board, and in your mind and body!

Peta Stapleton Break Up With Guilt Hands

Break Up With Guilt

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Guilt; a feeling of responsibility, worry or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc. Whether real or imagined. 

Being racked with guilt is a terrible feeling. Occasionally guilt can be useful. You feel bad for skipping the gym, so you make extra sure to go the following day. If it forces a good action or motivation to follow, or stops you making the same mistake in future, a certain amount of it might be healthy. Guilt also makes people more empathetic, and consider others feelings so again, not such a bad thing. With that in mind, it is not surprising research showed people who feel more guilt, make better friends, spouses and workers.

Often however, guilt is a destructive and unproductive emotion. It can become extremely unhealthy especially if we are still judging and beating ourselves up about it weeks, months, years down the track. It can also lead down a bad path to punishing ourselves further for feeling the guilt, e.g. binge eating/purging. 

Study after study shows that self-criticism is consistently associated with less motivation and worse self-control. It is also one of the single biggest predictors of depression, which drains both “I will” power and “I want” power. 

It might surprise you to hear that self-forgiveness and self-kindness is more motivating, and fosters a much better outcome moving forwards.

Peta Stapleton Break Up With Guilt kindnessAnd here’s the thing, no amount of guilt can change the past. No amount of worrying can change the future. So why do we love it so much? 

According to research mentioned in the book Upward Spiral, our bodies process guilt, shame and pride all in a similar way. Which explains why it is so easy to torture ourselves with feelings of guilt and shame, as they switch on our brain’s reward centre similar to how pride does. 

What do you often feel guilty for? Common worldwide pangs of guilt include reasons like, “saying no” to a person or invitation, not picking up the phone, spending too much time on Facebook or Netflix, not responding to an email quickly, falling off a diet plan, being assertive, spending money, staying too long in a relationship, bailing on a workout.

unhealthy eating habbits

You don’t get 20 years in jail for a parking ticket. So why are you sentencing yourself to weeks or years of emotional stress and pain from a minor infringement? You are not defined by these mistakes.

jail - emotional stress and painGuilt is an ineffective emotion. So let’s break up with it right now by following these tips: 

Question your beliefs: is a certain person, family, or society influencing your feelings of guilt? Are they possibly unfounded? Can you let this go? Is there a better way to deal with it that actually helps the scenario? (Note, you feeling bad doesn’t help anyone!) 

 

Debate the consequences: So you fell off the diet last night… What choices will you make today that will help get you back on track? What habits and preparation could you change next time to help you in tempting scenarios again? Guilt is an ineffective way to solve this, and will likely cause more emotional eating to make yourself feel better! 

Self-kindness: Forgive yourself! Is this really the end of the world? Everyone makes mistakes. Show compassion inwardly and stop giving yourself such a hard time. Focus on what you can do from here on in. 

Next time you have guilty feelings, evaluate whether is it healthy or unhealthy. If the length and magnitude outweighs the scenario, follow these tips to solve it in a more effective way. 

A Reading List for Abundance and Wealth Creation

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Wealth creation, money, abundance and financial success is a hot topic. Every time we run a seminar on this and teach how to use EFT / Tapping to deal with blocks or limiting beliefs, they sell out! Seems we are all taught many messages about these areas as children, and some of them stick! Here is a reading list of books I have personally found helpful. If I become aware of any issues in myself, I usually use EFT to deal with them.

  1. I met Lynne Twist at an ACEP conference in the USA some years ago and heard her speak. I immediately bought The Soul of Money : Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Life and devoured it. It is a little different from other money books I have read – instead of focusing on setting goals and making plans, Lynne looks at your core human values, and shows you how to align your relationship with money to your desired goal. Great reading!
  2. Platform : Get Noticed in a Noisy World by Michael Hyatt is a must read if you use social media for your business.  Michael used to be CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers and embraced blogging when it started. (he still writes one of the top blogs in the world). This book is practical, filled with examples and while the online space does change rapidly, this book is still relevant as a starting point for your business. I loved it.
  3. New Australian Hay House author Denise Duffield-Thomas has written a highly entertaining book in Get Rich, Lucky Bitch!: Release Your Money Blocks and Live a First-Class Life. She gives loads of personal examples and practical tips. I like that there are incremental steps you can take if you want to adjust slowly and avoid the resistance that often comes with challenging core beliefs about wealth. Highly entertaining and useful information!
  4. I heard Jeff Walker on a podcast talk about Launch : An Internet Millionaire’s Secret Formula to Sell Almost Anything Online, Build a Business You Love, and Live the Life of Your Dreams.  And I can’t tell you how good this book is – it is a practical strategy and many, many, many business (small and HUGE) use this in their online marketing. Anyone can do this – but you need to read the book first. What you can’t see in the photo are all my sticky tabs on different pages!
  5. Finally, The Financial Healer : Change Your Self-Worth, Increase Your Net Worth is written as a novel with a message (I like these types of parables). It was inspired by the books of Robin Sharma and Paulo Coelho and it tells the story of Alex Lucas, a middle aged overweight divorcee who found himself constantly in debt even though he worked in the financial world.  While it is fiction this book highlights the work of John Seymour, Karl Dawson, Peter Thomson, Tony Robbins, Bruce Lipton, Wayne Dyer and more.  You could devour this in a single sitting but come back to it over and over again for inspiration.

That’s all for now – more on recommendations on EFT /inspirational books in other posts, and specific topic areas.

Please note I do recommend Book Depository for books as I love that they have free postage worldwide. I am also an affiliate for them given the amount of books I purchase! Of course you are welcome to shop at your local store or favourite site online!

Great Reading for the Start of 2019!

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I always have a pile of books next to my bed (sometimes piles around the house!). I don’t know about you, but I just like the feel of a paper book and not a kindle version. It means my luggage is heavier when I travel with a book or two, but I can cope with that! Here are some goodies to get 2019 started!

  1. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking  by Susan Cain is made for people like me! I know you may not believe I am truly an introvert at heart (but I really am) – Celina Tonkin and I have even written a book about how introverts can use tapping (EFT for Introverts). In Quiet, Susan Cain shows how the brain chemistry of introverts and extroverts differs, and how society misunderstands and undervalues introverts. She gives introverts the tools to better understand themselves and take full advantage of their strengths. It is a GREAT read! Read this first then read our book on how to use tapping as an introvert to embrace your strengths and decrease your anxiety.
  2. Ask my girls and they will tell you I am VERY strict about the importance of sleep. The Sleep Revolution : Transforming Your Life, One Night at a Time by Arianna Huffington is such a practical guide to quality sleep, and eye opening about the issues people have, that every teen should have this on the book list at school! Read it this month and set up the year with great habits.
  3. Thank & Grow Rich : A 30-Day Experiment in Shameless Gratitude and Unabashed Joy by Pam Grout is another Hay House favourite of mine. Pam wrote the very funny and highly practical E-Squared : Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality and E-Cubed: Nine More Energy Experiments That Prove ManifestingMagic And Miracles Is Your Full-Time Gig (both of which are so worth the read- you get to do all these cool experiments!). Thank and Grow Rich though is more about observing the world from a place of gratitude, using our attention to spot beauty, to focus on possibility. Pam says “Ever wonder why your thoughts easily create up-front parking spaces but don’t always produce the fat wad of cash or the hot guy? Could it be you’re on a different frequency?” Get this book going for the start of the year and report back in December!
  4. How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body has its 10th-Anniversary Edition out now! Dr David Hamilton (my favourite Scottish placebo scientist) has updated the original book out 10 years ago to include MORE on the effect of visualisation, belief and positive thinking on the body. David shows how using our imagination and mental processes can stimulate our own defences and healing systems to combat disease, pain and illness.  In another post I reviewed the CD of one of the visualisation techniques from this book – read here.
  5. Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace, and More by Joe Vitale (featured in The Secret) was gifted to me by one of my lovely sisters. It is the story (and technique) of Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len who cured every patient in the criminally insane ward of a Hawaii`i State Hospital — without ever seeing a single patient. Now this may seem a little “insane,” so you are going to have to read this! The book outlines the legendary Hawaiian healing and cleansing method of Ho’oponopono. I loved the book and practice the technique regularly (you would never know!). A graduate of mine does the same and we tell each other amazing stories as a result!

That’s all for now – more on recommendations on EFT /inspirational books in other posts, and specific topic areas.

Please note I do recommend Book Depository for books as I love that they have free postage worldwide. I am also an affiliate for them given the amount of books I purchase! Of course you are welcome to shop at your local store or favourite site online!

Access Chapter 4 from The Science Behind Tapping here free

EFT researcher and author Peta Stapleton, Ph.D., brings together the history and cutting-edge research of tapping. She also shows how tapping can be used for a whole host of ailments, including anxiety, weight issues, depression, trauma, and more. Dr. Stapleton’s own groundbreaking study involving food cravings in overweight adults helped establish EFT as an effective, valid form of therapy.

Access Chapter 4 below - EFT Tapping for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Thank you! Here is your free chapter.